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Vote Gibbons, Or Else…

JIm Gibbons' Fantasy Machine: An Autopen Driving a MowerLooks like today is the day everybody is pronouncing the Gibbons’ re-election dead. And just last week we were told that it was resurrecting nicely, thank you.

It’s just so hard to keep up with the ever-changing reports on the health of Gube’s campaign.

Not that the reports of the campaign’s demise were a complete waste of time. After all, we learn so many new things about the man we wish we knew so much less about. Why it was just staggering!

For instance, we now know what was taking the governor’s interest away not only from governing, but from sex as well.

I must here ask younger readers to please look away. The revelation is that shocking.

The gubernator, prior to his interest in texting, was morbidly fascinated with mowing the lawn! Indeed while in Congress he would return home to spend entire Sundays mowing–while Dawn pined away from jealously and loneliness inside the family home, no doubt. (Sun)

While governor, we also learn, Gibbers was away from the office so often that he left the Autopen, a device which automatically mimics a signature, in charge. (Sun) This led some staff to joke that the Autopen was the “busiest employee in the state.”

It is my misfortune to announce, however, that the Autopen was pink-slipped recently due to unresolved issues over it’s mandatory furlough days.

Still, this is one case where I think the Gube did the right thing. Much better to have the Autopen in charge than the Lt. Guv.

However, I was able to snap a picture of the Autopen in retirement, above. Rather ironically, it was mowing the grass of its Elko ranch at the time.

Still, all this talk about Gibbons losing the primary has prompted me to step in to save the campaign. I offer here a commercial which will surely put Gibbons over the top on June 8. It works off a theme that Nevada Republicans had better start thinking carefully about. What happens if Gibbons loses the primary, and we’re stuck with the lamest of lame duck governors for nearly six months? (Sun) Massive gropings and orgies in the Gube manse as the Guv throws aside his extended pon farr? State lawns cropped down to the very sod? Midnight phone calls, like those between Milhous and Henry K, to Bobby Uithoven wherein the Guv, between guilty sobs, begs forgiveness for his ever doubting his loyal lieutenant?

Or even worse: the horrible ravages of Autopen overuse and abuse.

Please, don’t let that happen, fellow Nevada Republicans. Now, more than ever, you must Vote Gibbons!

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1 comment to Vote Gibbons, Or Else…

  • Gus

    Actually, I think the thing we learned that we really wished we hadn’t (but which we suspected all along) is that while the disastrous 2009 budget proposal was being drawn up, including the ludicrous proposal to cut higher ed funding by 32% (which led directly to everyone being happy that it was “only” a 25% cut in GF allocation) …the decisions were being made by ….Monte Miller and Jim Denton.

    Wealthy donors and power-hungry consultants running the state (into the ground) is, of course, par for any Nevada Governor’s mansion. But the guy elected and paid to do the job is supposed to at least make a show of it.

    But then again “Vote Monte Miller Out” doesn’t have the same ring, does it?