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2009: This Year in Gibstory -- Continued!

Uncle Siggy Sends a Text

For no good reason, Gibstory 2009 continues…

April 2009. The tin-ear Gov started off April by texting while testifying before the Legislature. Is it a zerø? An asshøle? WaPo doesn’t know for sure. Nevada’s First Lady accused Jimbo of extra marital diddlin’ and Bobby Uithoven was still trying to defend him. Sniff. Those were the days. Gibbers quickly denied any diddlin’. No divorce trial? Well, we’ll just have to re-read the Gube’s divorce assadavit for grins, in which Gibbons lawyer tells Gibbons’ constituents that they are “notoriously fickle“, which is actually true. Chrissy Mazzeo brought suit against Gibbons and numerous gube grope-enablers to help keep the legal defense slush fund from going to waste.

May 2009. Gibbons went on tour in May and frightened damn near everybody. Man, if we had Gibbons-fatigue in May, what do we have now?? Gibbons cleverly played up Obama’s snub of refusing to meet with Gibbers during a Vegas visit, according to a local political has-been, anyways. Yep, it was so clever we all forgot about it. Gibbons, like a Mormon prophet, revealed the mystic white veto-plates to adoring 10/20/whatever-percenters describing his apocalyptic vision for Nevada. Gibbons hinted that he might not run if he can’t get sufficient funds. After making history for most vetoes by an idiot, Gibbons makes history as the most-overridden and, hence, most irrelevant idiot in Nevada history.

June 2009. Gibbons gave us a preview of his Gov campaign with its emphasis on cynicism and despair. Why did Gibbons veto so many bills? Because it was the first time he saw them, suggested legislator. Sigor joined the Harry Reid campaign, perhaps over a train deal, leaving Gibbons in the dust. John Ensign and various possible Gib-challengers tried to out Gibbons the Gibster, with mixed results. Gibbons gave his sympathy to John Ensign and his errant weenie, with mixed results. The first in a myriad of stories about the Gibbons’ administration’s inability to meet standards for federal stimulus funds started pouring in.

July 2009. Gube-adversaries emphasized their pants-wearing creds as Gov races heated up. Mildly. The prospects of Gibbons appointing himself to replace John Ensign made everyone just a bit nauseous. John Ensign continued his campaign to out-Gibbons Gibbons as stories of C-street, familial pay-offs, and his gynecologist leak out. Gibbons headed to Iraq to undermine troop morale and to jump start the Gube campaign.

August 2009. Gibbons taught fellow Nevadans how to kick the president. Gibbons reviewed his many gaffes on the Nuke Waste Dump as part of his ongoing attacks on the second-most reviled politician in the state as he attempted to move down from the number one spot. The Gube and the Legislature struggled over who gets to pick the Stimulus Czar and the constitutionality of the Interim Finance Committee. At last count there were two Czars and Nevada still way behind on getting it’s share of the money. Gibbons brought on a new team in August, with predictable results.

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