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Put Gibbons In Your Pants!

Put Jim Gibbons in your pants!
It's very liberating now that I'm officially a Nevada Republican. I get to be racist, call health-care reformers granny-killers, and support the absolute right-to-life of human fetuses, by which I mean a right-to-life more absoluter than any old human female's, destined a they are by Jesus to be Phyllis Shafly Stepford Wives' baby-making machines.

I'm sure that's in the State party's planks somewheres.

Anyway, wasn't it enlightening to hear something true from governor Jim Gibbons yesterday? He said that the Federal Gum'ment shouldn't be in your medicine cabinet. (Sun) Now, isn't that smart, because, you know, you'd never be able to fit it all in there. Why, Antonin Scalia would take up most of the space himself, and that'd be after you shoved his butt in there.

No doubt this was the governor's way of coming out solidly against Medicare, which stuffs drugs into old folks' medicine cabinets. I mean, that follows, don't it, from saying the Fed's shouldn't be in your medicine cabinet? And, he'll be shutting down all those Fed pill subsidies he was pushing a couple of years ago, too, right?

Can't wait to see this on the governor's website: "Gibbons Against Medicare!" That'll wakeup those RINO's in Incline Village! You know, the wimps who aren't True Republicans, like Jim and me.

And people say Gibbons is dumb. Well what about this Gibb-ism: “I have a hard time remembering when anything as important as health
care was ever improved by having the federal government involved.” How true! Just think how badly World War II turned out with all that federal government involvement! And that National Guard Gibbons used to fly planes for? Total disaster, right? Man, just list 'em! Louisiana Purchase, Bill of Rights, Emancipation Proclamation. All Federal Government disasters!

That's what he meant, right?

Say, now there's a prize! Forget Fedgov in your med cabinet; you can have Gibbons in your pants!

You can WIN GIBBONS if you put up enough money to win him at a bachelor's auction! (RGJ) Um, no, I guess you'll have to share him with 11 other gals–um, I suppose it's just gals (sorry to all of Jim's gay pals!)–because, you know, Jim never could settle for just one.

And I don't want to hear any carping about Jim not being an official bachelor and all. I'm sure the diabetes foundation that will benefit from the auction really meant to call it a Bachelor and Cheating Hubby-Skanktard Auction. But, you know what, how can you fit all that on a banner?

Don't forget, fellow Nevadans! You too can stop all that frettin' and worryin' and thinkin' and be more like me and Jim. Become a Nevada Republican!

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