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2008: This Year in Gibstory: Goofy Down to the Wire December

December 2008. The worst thing about Gibstory is that it never seems to end. Gibbons starts off December by announcing he’ll waste over $20,000 so that he can parade his empty proposals for drowning Nevada at a State of the State he could very well hold at the beginning of the regular legislative session because nobody will be paying attention anyway. Prez elect wisely keeps Gube at arm’s length. Idiot judge doesn’t seem to understand that the Gube’s emails, typed on a state computer using the state email systerm are owned by us, not him, and not the Gube. Say, didn’t we have more than one of them special sessions this year? Governor proposes strangling the state before drowning it in an ideological bathtub. Gee, what if the Governor violated Nevada law and nobody noticed?

It must be really lonely being Ty Cobb. He tried to make the wingnut party even wingnuttier, and nobody wanted to play. Nevada’s Mortgage Lending Division, led by a failed mortgage broker, fails some more. Governor feels left out by not being invited to Harry Reid’s alternative energy thingies and holds his own out of spite. Attorney for staffer that kept the state OSHA office from throwing the book at Gibbons’ contributors for allegedly running killer construction sites announces that the staffer is “vindicated” from any cronyism. Gube office later announces that, well, her lawyer saying that really doesn’t mean anything. So, when do they make the same announcement about Abbe Lowell’s “vindication” of the Gube? Governor pointlessly and illegally appoints a new tourism director, an action that is summarily ignored by the commission that really has the authority to make the appointment.

And this just in: Gube is cooing with joy at the prospect of insuring that police, firefolk, and university perfessers have jobs with shitty benefits just like the private sectors minions who work for the corporate overlords on the SAGE commission. Why, he seems to be enjoying the prospect almost as much as mauling a MILF at a parking garage or rodeo:

Gibbons stated that he considered the report
“extremely valuable” given Nevada’s economic problems. He added the
report “fits perfectly with my efforts to streamline Nevada government
to make it smaller and more responsive to the needs of our citizens.”

Hmm. Like he’s responsive to their daycare, educational, safety and healthcare needs?? By cutting them all to the bone?

Who would you pick to be anti-Yucca spokester for the state? A sportscaster with moderate support from the anti-nuke commission or one of two laywers with experience in energy or environmental law and unanimous support of the commission? If you said “the sportscaster,” then you might be gube of Nevada one day. In other words, the Gube picked the commission’s third and last choice.

Gibbons' Country 2009 Gube-on-a-stick Calendar O'Gaffyness!

Ooo. Lookee! If you don’t have a calendar yet, why not spend that Nevada unemployment check on a Gibbons’ Country 2009 Gube-On-A-Stick Calendar O’Gaffyness? It contains twelve reprints of this past year’s Gibbons’ Country! Amaze your friends by explaining the obscure jokes only media elites could possibly comprehend! Try to figure out what those funny white circles are that sit on the heads of the Gube’s minions! Look up the correct spelling of hepatitis! And why IS Damon wearing green?

All you state workers will want a Luv Guv calendar to grace your gloomy cubicles! Don’t forget that perennial favorite, the Napkinhead calendar!

Hey, come on! We gotta comsume ourselves out of this recession! It’s the American way!

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3 comments to 2008: This Year in Gibstory: Goofy Down to the Wire December

  • dave404

    Reporter Dog Rawlson;
    “Governor Gibbons, you have a defined benefit pension from your time as an airline pilot and you have another defined benefit pension from the federal government from your time served in the military and you have yet another defined benefit pension from your years served in the US Congress and you have an unbelievable FOURTH defined benefit pension from your time served in the Nevada legislature and governor seat, do you think you should be the one to say that everybody else ought to go to a defined contribution plan instead? Will you foreswear all 4 of your defined benefit pensions?
    Oh, Governor, I forgot! You have a FIFTH defined benefit plan pension, your social security check: will you be returning those checks to the federal treasury?
    “Fuck you!; next!”
    Reporter Elevated Sillybus:
    “Governor, there is the sixth defined benefit pension you are entitled to, the one Dawn Gibbons earned while she was a Nevada legislator, will you save the state and refuse this SIXTH pension? Also, I note that 5 out of 6 of your defined benefit pensions are from the taxpayer, are you closing the door behind and will you gsurrender any of your taxpayer provided pensions you receive or will receive?
    “Fuck You, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

  • As this really really bad year for Nevada ends we continue to have to ask:

    Where IS the FBI?
    Is there an FBI anymore?

    With Nevada’s really really Filthy vote
    counting-stealing scheme, there is no way to get rid of the goober without help from the FBI.