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John Ensign Gives Birth to Alien Space Baby

John Ensign's Space BabySenator John Ensign surprised fellow members of Congress with the announcement that he has given birth to an alien space baby, unreliable sources reported yesterday.

Shown here teaching Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid how to hold the, um, sprout, Mr. Ensign assured onlookers that it was perfectly healthy despite its odd resemblance to a piece of polished coal and the fact that it apparently could not move on its own power without releasing a pungent cloud of what Mr. Ensign called a “boo-boo.”

Totally discredited sources added that Mr. Reid told his fellow Senator from Nevada that “I always knew you had it in you, John” and “it really looks like you, too. Especially the hair.”

A close up of the darling baby…thing revealed a thick head of superbly coiffed hair, not unlike the Senator’s.

Ensign Spacebaby has Nice HairRumors that Congressmen Jon Porter and Dean Heller had somehow participated in bringing about the, um, blessed event could not be confirmed or denied.

In the real news, we learn that Harry Reid is working to kill planned coal plants in Ely by changing the clean air requirements for the Great Basin National Park. Senator Ensign and his birth partners Porter and Dean have scrambled to kill the amendment. (RJ) The two Congressmen said, according to some drunks interviewed on Fremont street, “we’re doing this for John’s kid.”

[UPDATE: Senator Ensign moves to erase the parts of the NIE report on Iran that he didn't like. (SunBlog) Evidence and proof apparently are not to play a role in his rewrite.]

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1 comment to John Ensign Gives Birth to Alien Space Baby

  • What?!

    Did Ensign say, “Nobody is happy about losing elections but remember these are not draftees, these are full-time professional politicians”?
    No it wasn’t it was really senate minority leader Mitch McConnel saying, today, that, “Nobody is happy about losing lives but remember these are not draftees, these are full-time professional soldiers.”
    Now didn’t the Republicans stall a Democratic NIE investigation?
    “Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (Democrat, Nevada) invoked a little-used Senate rule to demand that the body go into a closed session to discuss a stalled investigation on intelligence claims made before the Iraq war. The maneuver sparked an emotional outburst from the Senate’s Republican majority leader, Bill Frist. “The United States Senate has been hijacked by the Democratic leadership,” he declared, adding that he had been “slapped in the face.” newsoftheworld