Own A Piece of Your Governor! Act Today!

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Step right up folks! Don’t be shy! There’s plenty for everybody!

Have you ever wanted to own your own Governor? Now, I know that might seem like the sorta thing only the Superrich can dream of, but no more. Even losers like you who’ve never held a bag full of poker chips in your rough peasant hands can own a piece of the Governor!

That’s right! Even the most humble among you, dear friends, can own a bit of your beloved Governor. All you have to do–and you’d be amazed how simple, and even legal this is–is contribute a modest amount to the Jim Gibbons Legal Defense Slush Fund 2.0.(RGJ,RJ,LVG)

Yes, you heard me right, dear friends. Two. Point. Oh. You see, this ain’t your old, rusty, nasty, not reported to Congress in violation of Ethics Rules, and officially deemed illegal by the Governor himself, defunct Jim Gibbons Illegal Legal Defense Slush Fund. Heavens, no, my friends!

This is the brand new, barely legal Jim Gibbons Legal Defense Slush Fund.

That’s right, friends. Barely legal. You see that new law that allows our fine politicians to solicit contributions to hire only the finest legal defense teams when the Sheriff or FBI comes a knocking, requires said politicians must refrain–yes, refrain–from soliciting funds for 30 days prior to, or after, a legislative session. Oh, and don’t forget, even during one.

Our Governor, who loves to play at the fringes of legality, waited until June 29 to submit notice to the Secretary of State of the existence of the fund. See, our Governor didn’t waste a minute! And look, he has a whole web page to himself over on the SoS site!

What, you say, doesn’t the special session count for anything? What was it, chopped liver?

Please, dear friends, you wouldn’t support the Gibbons brand if it didn’t have that sex-offender, grafty, “bad boy” feel to it, now would you? Besides, for special sessions, our politicians only have to wait 15 days before money grubbing again.

So, pony up, Nevadans! Join the ranks of patriots like Sheldon Adelson, Warren Trepp, and Sig Rogich! Help your Governor defend himself against terrorist loving organizations like frightened women and the FBI!

And unlike Trepp, you don’t have to use poker chips! The Governor accepts cash, checks, gold bullion, and all major credit cards. And he won’t say “no” to a kiss for the ladies!

So, join today! Be the first on your block to own a piece of the Governor!

But that’s not all you get, friends. Funnel a couple of bundles of $10,000 each through your many limited liability corporations--all perfectly legal in Our Fair State–and the Governor will come to your home or place of business and personally let you put it in a Jack Abramoff Como II genuine fur hat.

But that’s still not all! Hey, we’ll even throw in an actual Nevada State Senator. Yeah, he’s bald, but he’s a real go-getter. Why lobbyists love him so much, they’ll even solicit campaign money illegally behind his back.

So he says, anyway. (RJ) Wink, wink!

Disclaimer: The Governor may not actually come to your home or place of business to take your contribution in a Como II fur hat. Avoid where prohibited by law, which ain’t here in Nevada.