If you’re like me, I’m sure the first person who comes to mind when you’re looking for someone to set the highest standards of proper behavior and social mores is none other that James Tiberius Gibbons, one time Guberator of the former state of Nevada.
Yup, we’ve all learned how to behave like proper Nevada gentlefolk from the Gibster. Why he’s no doubt encouraged many a Nevada lad and lassie to use the boss’s Blackberry to sext up extra-spousal partners, taught them that the only way to divorce is to divorce ugly, and that the whole point of gaining a position of power is perpetual partisan pandering with a healthy dash of mindless sloganeering.
So, if you’re like me, you were no doubt thrilled down to your very toes to hear the Guv offer his advice about Nevada’s most burning non-issue: how to pronounce the state appellation, viewable above. (NNB,Sun)
Still, it is surely fitting that the issue be throughly reported and analyzed. After all, any sentence containing the words Nevada and economy naturally spurs thoughts of apocalypse and nightmare, so, naturally, nobody wants to talk or read about that, especially anyone who might actually be in a position to do something nothing about it. Besides, what else can one report about the Gube? That he first was against, and is now in favor, of accepting the latest round of stimulus funds? That he’ll fill out the application form with crayon and feces, dooming its acceptance? How many times can one report on the same thing?
So, yes, dear media machine feed me trivia about how to pronounce the former state’s name. It will serve well as the sobriquet of the nation’s first Ghost State–the nation’s very own Rhyolite–no matter how it’s pronounced.
The first Depression had Fred and Ginger to distract folks from their woes. We have: Jim Gibbons.
Jim Gibbons and Brian Sandoval Suffering from Invisibility Malady
A strange illness originally seen in the Nevada Governor’s office in Carson City is now spreading through the campaign sites of several prominent Republican candidates.
The malady,whose main symptom appears to be an astounding loss of visibility, was first reported when no one could quite determine the location of the putative Gube of Nevada, one James Tiberius Gibbons, during a recent meeting of the state prison board.
“It was as if he didn’t show up at all,” explained a staffer working for Nevada Secretary of State Ross Miller, who wished to remain anonymous due to lack of ontological standing. “Why, the A[ttorney] G[eneral Catherine Cortez Masto] and Ross simply vote for whatever they want, just like Gibbons were invisible or something.” The staffer was referring to a recent decision by the prison board, which consists of the Governor, the Secretary of State, and Attorney General, where a proposal by Gibbons to close a prison was voted down. (RJ)
The strange illness was soon found to be spreading throughout the Nevada’s administrative branch of state government as staffers suddenly failed to appear at Legislative budget reviews. (RJ,Sun) “It wasn’t that they didn’t attend,” insisted one staffer on promise of anonymity due to chronic incorporeality, “they were freaking invisible, man!”
Reports are now coming in that Guberatorial candidate Brian Sandoval, rumored to be the Guberator’s missing twin brother, has also been overcome with the disease, as an extensive man-hunt has failed to pinpoint his exact location. Some doctors speculate the Mr. Sandoval may also be suffering from nodebateitus, an illness that sometimes overcomes candidates lacking anything interesting to say besides “no new taxes.” “Sandoval and Mr. Gibbons seem to have that lack of meaningful budgetary policy in common,” said a pundit from UNLV who wished to remain anonymous because he was moving to a school that actually has pay checks.
The strange disease manifested itself at a recent meeting of the Nevada State Republican party where prominent Republicans John Ensign, and Dean Heller, as well as Jim Gibbons, could not be seen. Asked why he wasn’t invisible, Mayor Oscar Goodman, who was attending the meeting but no one knew why, replied, “Ha. There’s more gin than blood in my veins, newbie! Ain’t a bug alive that could live in there for two seconds!”
Francis Plutarch III, who was attending the convention, added, shaking his head, “You silly liberal press. You just don’t get it. If you want to see any of the candidates, simply hold a couple of teabags over your eyes! Poof, like magic! You’ll see anything you want!”
Reports are now coming in that the Guberator is planning to make his almost ex-wife disappear as well, given that the Reno house is about to be sold. (Sun) Selling the house was a condition of the couple’s divorce settlement. “The invisibility of the Gibbons can’t come soon enough for Nevadans,” said one disreputable blogger, who hardly needs to be named.
The Nevada Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Reno Gazette-Journal in its lawsuit against putative Nevada governor Jim Gibbons. Gibbers will be required to hand over papers about his mysteriously disappearing gun permit. (RGJ)
You all will no doubt dimly recall that there were questions about how Gibbons was able to obtain a concealed weapons’ permit without completing all of the required training in 2008. Gibbons later gave up the permit when his lack of training became public. And then there’s this intriguing, cryptic sentence from the Associated Press:
[Washoe County Sheriff Mike] Haley has declined to comment on the status of Gibbons’ permit and has interpreted the confidentiality law so broadly that he also won’t discuss whether his office took action against the firearms instructor who improperly signed off on Gibbons’ weapons proficiency test in order for him to obtain the permit. (AP)
Gibbons has quite the record from corrupting law enforcement officials throughout the state, don’t he? There was the Clark County Sheriff and the District Attorney who got splattered by the mud from the garage grope, and then there was that Nevada Public Safety guy who lost all the guns and drugs. And staff in-kind contributions to the campaign and the Gube’s private suit against health care, and the missing sexting logs, and the inappropriate firings, and, and and.
Still, what a wonderful opportunity to rerun an old Gibbons’ Country:
We are SO gonna miss that turd.
Cross posted from NevadaScandalmonger.com which is where you should be, anyways. Ever hear of a bookmark?
Despite all the racket about Gøøberner Jim Gibbons and the staff digging in for five months of payback hell as the putative Gube wreaks his revenge on his defenseless constituents, it really looks like the staff isn’t really making much of an effort. Just consider the latest attempt at an attack on the Interim Finance Committee by a Jimbo spokester:
“Illegal, unconstitutional government bodies should not be threatening state employees with jail time,” Gibbons spokesman Dan Burns said. “They should be helping state employees serve the people.” (Sun)
A malapropic sentence worthy of the Guberner, hisself, seems to me. After all, it seems strange to exhort an illegal, unconstitutional government body to help people, don’t it? If the body is really illegal, wouldn’t a more appropriate response be for the Gube’s office to send in the State Police or something?
But, then again, the Gov probably really doesn’t want to attract the attention of the state police. What with the staff illegally working on one of Gibbons’ private initiatives and all.
Jim Gibbons and his crew apparently have decided to take the rest of the state out with them in a vengeful reign of terror not seen since somewhere around the time of the Roman emperor Nero.
No, I’m sorry. That’s hardly a fair analogy. To Nero. Nero set fire to Rome in order to rebuild some slums. Jim Gibbons seems to just want to set fire to the state for repudiating his crazy ideas by bitch-slapping him in the primary.
Today, a bipartisan collection of state senators politely called the gov an asshole for threatening to block information to the Interim Finance Committee, a committee the Gube and a few malcontents on the far right believe is unconstitutional. (Sun)
Of course, if the state senate had a majority of Republicans in it, no doubt Gibbons wouldn’t have a problem with it.
Even Bob Raggio and Pete Goicoechea signed off on a letter telling the Gøøber that he will breach his constitutional duty if he fails to cooperate fully with the IFC.
Just like when Gibbons fled the House, where he was under investigation for ethics violations, and when he fled that parking garage, the Gov apparently wants to leave his final office one step ahead of the authorities.
Hey, it’s not too late to impeach, guys!
Elsewhere, the Interim Finance Committee followed up on a recommendation from the State Board of Examiners to waste $20,000 on a portrait of Nevada’s worst guberator. (NNB,RJ) One can only wonder what the committee was thinking, unless they hoped that the artist would chose a Laocoon-based theme for the portrait, as I did above, depicting the Gube in everlasting torment, crushed by large, phallic objects.
Frankly, one would be hard pressed to think of a greater waste of state funds than for the Gibbons’ portrait. Surely anything in the state budget would take priority. Like test tubes for UNLV, or TP for legislative bathrooms.
Unless, of course, Michael Fischer of the Cultural Affairs Department decides to pick me for the artist. Then, I would hardly be able think of a better use for the money. Hey, I’m just a principled as the Gøøber!
How about the one to the left, Mike?
Meanwhile, Secretary of State Ross Miller not-so-politely called Gibbons an asshole, or more particularly, a “petulant 15-year-old” at the prison panel meeting. Oddly, the Gube seemed to agree:
When Miller made the motion to halt — at least temporarily — the move by Skolnik to close the prison, Gibbons asked for him to define what he meant.
Miller responded by saying anyone with common sense knows what halting a move to close the state prison means, and those who claim they don’t understand were playing political games and behaving like a “petulant 15-year-old.”
Meanwhile, remember that guy that Gibbons hired to be stimulus czar after the legislature and the State Controller picked the woman who accused Gibbers of firing her over the text-messaging thing to be their stimulus czar and he got all pissy about it? And remember how that guy turned out to be pretty much incompetent?
Me neither, but a day or two ago the Gube announced that the stimulus czar was supposed to leave, and a day later, he’s back. You know, like a bad penny.
Bizarrely, the IFC–the committee Gibbons wants to kill–voted to fund both stimulus positions for over $200,000. (RJ)
Man, that IFC is full of masochists, ain’t it? I suppose they can take the money out of unemployment benefits or something.
Hey, that’s what we do in Vegas! We move in for a few days, find out how screwed the place is, and then we move out.
This time I’m moving into more permanent digs, though 10 years on Vote Gibbons Out is an eternity on the Internets. They are more permanent in the sense that the target will be more permanent. Instead of poking fun at Gibbons, I’ll be poking fun at the State of Nevada. There is certainly an infinite supply of absurdity there.
I hear tell that you will be picking an artist for the official portrait of Nevada guberator and Chief Scallywag Jim Gibbons. (NNB)
I myself cannot think of a dumber waste of state funds during these trying times. However, if you insist on wasting money on such a dumbass project, my I suggest that you send me the money, and I’ll Photoshop something up in a jiffy which will sum up the Gibbons gubeocracy to a “T”.
The above is just a sample, showing the Gøøber as a clueless David with a napkin hat while putative GOP insiders anoint Brian Sandoval behind his back.
True, Gibbers looks like an idealized fantasy of himself, but then that’s what the whole last 4 years have looked liked to the Gube, as far as I can tell.
Let me know if you want to follow up on my suggestion.
You know, I could probably drive everyone nuts if I said I told you so every time I was right when predicting erratic behavior from the man we call Gube.
Still I’m gonna come right out and say it: I told you so.
Didn’t I warn you that if you didn’t vote for Jim Gibbons in the primary, that he’d go goofy and pull all sorts of awful stuff and become a lame duck on steroids? And wouldn’t we all sleep better in our beds if we knew Gibbons was out trying to elect himself to Gubery instead of having a ton of free time on his hands to muck around in state government and cast lustful thoughts on Reno MILFs?
Why is it that you never listen to me? Just look what’s on Gibber’s plate: a grotesque budget which will make every state department look like that pervo show that was in Vegas with carved up bodies on display, and one final stab at the Nevada Constitution by trying to kill of the Legislative Interim Finance Committee. (Sun)
And, holy bejeebus: mowing the lawn!
It’s as if Gibbons and the staff can’t tell the difference between a crushing defeat and a mandate. True, as one staffer asserted, the Guv was elected to a four year term, although it’s seemed like forty, hasn’t it? Still, when a majority of voters from your own party tells you that you have no popular support, you’d think some one who has yammered about how swell it is to defend democracy and abiding by the will of the people would take the hint.
Perhaps the explanation for the post-election boost in gubernatorial nuttery might be explained best by the staff being taken over by aliens from outer space. I cite as evidence that strange manner of speech adopted by Gibbons’ spokster/puppetmeister Lynn Hetrick:
“We’re not happy with IFC and think it regularly oversteps its authority,” Hettrick said. When asked if they are willing to challenge its constitutionality — sometimes referred to as the “nuclear option” — Hettrick said, “Are we willing? Yes. Are we going to? We haven’t made up our minds.”
Did you see that? “Our minds”?
It’s pretty clear that the staff has been taken over by some horrid, pulsating hive mind set on softening up Nevada before invading us to ingest our men and procreate with our women.
Don’t believe me? They have already tried to gas the Nevada State Insurance Division! Everybody knows: so goes the NSID, so goes Nevada!
Program note: since you dumb asses don’t see the need to immediately call in the state legislature to impeach Gibbons despite his primary loss, it looks like I’ll have to lurk around here in VGO and fulfill it’s motto: following Gibbers until the bitter end, which may be never when those aliens pull their coup d’etat.
Don’t think so? Well, don’t make me say I told you so!
Check out how Jon Stewart explains why Jim Gibbons lost the election–with one word. (DailyShow)
Meanwhile, Gibbons is threating to cut funding to a state job held by the woman who is suing him for firing her from her previous state job. Mary Keating is suing Gibbons because she claims he fired her after she made public his use of a state cell phone to text Kathy Karrasch, his D.C. party-plane pal. (Sun)
Meanwhile, a fellow who threatened to Nuke the Gube has been extradited from Arizona to face charges of conveying false information concerning acts of terrorism, weapons of mass destruction, lethal agents or toxins. (NevadaAppeal) Oh, and chopping down some trees in Henderson.
Meanwhile, still not quite ex-Mrs. Gibbons gave a rather uninteresting postmortem of the Nevada primary race, but made up for it with one of the most unflattering pics ever. (TPM) Oddly, she doesn’t blame Sue Lowden’s meltdown on her arch-nemesis Bobby Uithoven, who was fired after Gibbons was elected Gube in 2006–rumors say–at Mrs. Dawn’s urging. Nowadays, you have to get in line to fire Bobby.
Meanwhile, Rory Reid discovers the worst thing he can call Brian Sandoval is, you guessed, Jim Gibbons. (RGJ)
Man, the Gube is sure making it hard to shut this f-ing blog down.
It’s official. The Associated Press called the Nevada Republican Governor’s primary race for Brian Sandoval a while ago, and thus endeth the perplexing political career of one James Tiberius Gibbons.
As such, it would be truly moronic to continue a blog called Vote Gibbons Out, unless one planned to discuss the failing of political apes. Granted that wouldn’t be much of a stretch.
Whether I will continue to blog on anything at this point is an open question I have yet to resolve. There is Nor’Town, but whether I will continue that project is unknown as well. In any case, I will be taken an extended hiatus from blogging. That may extend to a time at which blogging will have joined the likes of Hula Hoops and iPads.
I suppose if the lame duck interregnum becomes too awful, I might feel compelled to say something. We’ll see.
To my fans, all two of you, I extend my best wishes. I’d leave a silver bullet, too, but I can hardly afford in Nevada’s current economy, or lack thereof.
Despite all the racket about Gøøberner Jim Gibbons and the staff digging in for five months of payback hell as the putative Gube wreaks his revenge on his defenseless constituents, it really looks like the staff isn’t really making much of an effort. Just consider the latest attempt at an attack on the Interim Finance Committee by a Jimbo spokester:
Unless, of course, 
It’s official. The 
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